y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
