I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
