The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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