then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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