Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
