he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
