how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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