I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize