I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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