You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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