it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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