Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
