I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
