You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
