Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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