i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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