come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize