RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize