I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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