I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
