Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
