I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
