All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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