I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
