if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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