I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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