Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
