We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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