Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
