just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
