I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
