whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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