I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
