so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
