i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
this will be a night to untag.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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