If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Found your dick twin last night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
