I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
