last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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