Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
