he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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