i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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