if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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