You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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