Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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