i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
