I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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