dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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