That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
