You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
