U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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