Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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