Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You can't motorboat a personality
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize