A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
