Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
