Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
