Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
