I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
