It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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