So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
