I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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