I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
