My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize