dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
