I just pynch a tree in the face
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
