your room smells of hookers.
And success
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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