I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
