She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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