The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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