i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
