I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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