Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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