that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
