it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
