Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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