I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
did you just send me my own nude
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
