I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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