so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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