I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
