Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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