I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
