Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm always down for nudity.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
