I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
