Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
