k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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