I am in a vortex of obligation.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
