Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
