grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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