it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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